Don't Get Your Nuts In A Sling (Part 1)

So, Tuesday was the pre-surgical visit for what I like to refer to as the "Snip 'n' Clip". It was pretty straight forward. First a nurse took my blood pressure. Who's surprised that it was high? Then she needed a urine sample. After that, I waited for 10-15 minutes for the doctor to come in. Standard questions to make sure I'm ready for this - how long have you been married?, how many kids do you have?, I'm assuming you hold them responsible for your baldness and graying hair? - that type of stuff. Prior surgeries? History of medical problems?

Then he said, "Let's see when we can get you an appointment." I pointed out that I'm already scheduled for 8:00 am on Friday. He realized that he has quite a few neuterings that morning and promised not to drink too much on Thursday night. Really.

Now, this is where I officially got old. He explained to me the importance of prostate exams. Fortunately, he is not a big believer of the "finger test". Then he asked if I ever got up at night to go to the bathroom. "Sure." Then he tells me I might have nocturia and sends me for a blood test. Turns out, this is the same test that is used to screen for prostate cancer, but insurance companies will cover it if the test is for a problem like nocturia. Let's hope I don't have either.

Later, Shannon (the wife), who is also studying nursing, asked if she could assist in the procedure. My response - "NO". (She looked a bit too excited.) "Well, did you ask the doctor?", she said. "No, because regardless of his response, you're not assisting."

Some people have suggested photographic documentation of the procedure. Maybe me in a gown with a sad face? Who knows, maybe you'll get some photos of "my shame". Depends how hard that Lortab hits me.

And for any interested parties, here's the list of preparatory advice:

1. You should eat breakfast or lunch.
2. DO NOT shave yourself.
3. Wear sweat pants.
4. Wear briefs, not boxers.
5. DO NOT take Aspirin or Ibuprofen 7 days prior to your appointment.